Contact Me

The Body Barber

Men's waxing in Melbourne ..... and I also see female clients too. Now if you just look to the left of your screen you will see a phone number ..... just below the Genie ..... see it ? well that's my contact number .... wow, .... it's almost magic.

I currently work solo and as such have a hugely busy schedule because I am so friggin' good at what I do and so am up to my ears in arseholes, or should I say clients ..... maybe I ought just stick with appointments ..... maybe not use the word 'stick' either ?

The easiest way to contact me is via text but it also doesn't mean that I'll be able to answer your text straight away. I put my clients appointments first and don't like interuppting their time to answer questions which could end up taking 20 minutes to answer.

Please be patient, I know that we're in a 'I want it now' society but I'll be in contact with you as soon as I get a break in clients.

Follow the text protocols below ....

Mobile or SMS  0413 520 420

And PLEASE, when you SMS (text), add your name so I know who I'm talking to and also WHAT you want waxed .....

ie. Hello Zaque my name is 'Bob', I got your number off your website and was interested in getting my 'Balls' and 'Back' waxed. I'm available 'Mon or Wed' between '13:00 and 20:00', cheers 'Bob'

Text Messaging Protocol 101

Ok for some of you nuff nuffs out there here's a little guide for basic text messaging me 101 ........

I HATE it when someone texts me using old school abbreviated text bullshit ie. L8R (later), GR8 (great), BCNU (be seeing you), 2nite (tonight), 10Q (thank you), 1DR (I wonder) and so forth and so forth, you'll just get a simple 'English please' response. Predictive text is here to stay and we're no longer restrained by the amount of characters sent in a text so get off your arse that you want those hairs ripped out of and text properly.

AND, while I'm ranting ..... for god's sake DON'T text me and ask 'how much for a wax?' .... Instead of me replying with 'well what a stupid question you dumb arse', you'll get a reply of '$10 - $280' which won't really tell you anything will it ? and don't ask 'where are you?' cos you'll get "I'm at home feeding my face and watching a movie" as a response.

Seriously, text messaging is unlimited and free these day, so tell me :

1. Who you are (name)
2. What you want done i.e. waxing, laser, clip or massage
3. What body part or parts,
4. What days you are available,
5. What times you're available.

Booking procedure and Cancellation policy

email

If you would like to email me and ask anything then do so now or forever hold your piece . Just a note of warning here too, I get literally hundreds of spam email and other shit regarding viagra, cialis, college educations and so forth. so for those that have contacted me before, I have a new email address.

Also, to be honest, I hate emails .... they take up SO much of our lives so be warned because no-one really emails me I've gotten a bit slack with regularly checking my emails. Don't be suprised then if you don't hear back from me for a few days, if that's the case then after a day or two, maybe just shoot me through a text.

NOTE: As my emails are filtered, any email NOT using "2zaque@" will be put into the rubbish bin automatically.

Trading Hours : Buffed Body Hair Management

Monday : Closed (or by special arrangement)

Tuesday : 09:00 to 19:00

Wednesday : 09:00 to 19:00

Thursday : 09:00 to 19:00

Friday : 09:00 to 19:00

Saturday: 09:00 to 19:00

Sunday : Closed

I operate 5 days per week (sometimes 7 if you're lucky), usually from 09:00 to the last booking starting at 19:00. Appointments may be made outside of these hours by arrangement but they WILL incurr a surcharge .....

I try to accomodate my clients as best I can to give them the best, but if that means that I'm gettin up out of bed at 05:00 in the morning then YES you can pay a surcharge. I have had these early appointments made, 04:00 is the earliest I've had to date. On the other side of the clock, if you to want remind me that I'm not getting a social life or that I'm dateless by wanting me to work until 23:30 because YOU need your arse looking good for a hot date and forgot to book in advance, then YES you're going to be up for a surcharge. I think that's fair don't you !

These hours are also subject to change, depending on the amount of bookings that I have had during the day and how stuffed I am.

To offer people the best service that I can requires me to be in the best of health and fitness so I'm not going to over-extend myself and bust my balls just for an extra buck or two. Lets face it if I have done 5 massages and a couple of those were deep tissue and it is only 7 pm, then the chances are I am going to be knackered !

Location

Australia - Victoria - city of Melbourne, I am currently located in the suburb of Windsor where I have a studio just off St Kilda junction. It's VERY central area to the city of Melbourne, for example if you were to walk from Flinders Street Train Station it would only take you about 40 minutes. But, there ARE quicker ways to get here .....

And NO I don't have my address on this site as I'd get god knows who knocking on my door at all hours of the morning ..... at 2 am I don't think people knocking on the door would be after a wax especially after a night out on the town, do you ? Althooooooough ...... depending on who it was knocking it could be be rather interesting ......

 Transportation

To give you an idea of the travelling times you can allow to get to my studio, from the central area of Melbourne city by the following transport means .......

• Car

Traffic in Melbourne these days is rather shit no matter where you are travelling to. Realistically it's about an 8 minute drive from the city centre of Melbourne in normal conditions, peak hour can be 30 minutes or longer – y i k e !

• Taxi
  

Taxi fare is around the $13.00 AUD from the city centre area, unless of course you get a cabbie that is in tourist mode and takes you on a scenic tour of our suburbs - travel tip: use your own GPS

• Tram
  

It can take 30-40 minutes by tram depending on traffic conditions. $2.40 for a 2hr ticket There are several different trams that you can catch to get to my studio, and 3 different ones that will drop you off within 5 minutes walk of my house. I'll find out which ones they are one day and put it up here my site ;-)

• Train
  

Take the Sandringham line from Flinders Street station and get off at Windsor train station ... and when I say 'get off', I don't mean with the local sex workers either. It is then just a 4 minute walk to my place, unless you have a walking frame or you do actually visit the local sex workers. ( not a bad idea really as then I wouldn't have to deal with your 'over excitedness' in getting a wax )

• Helicopter

5 minutes and I'd be expecting a good sized tip if this is your mode of transportation ! Please hover a few extra minutes to blow the fig tree leaves out of my gutters if you don't mind.

• Molecular Transportation

Instantly - BUT ..... have you seen the movie 'The Fly'

• Kangaroo

It's an Urban Myth .... we can't really travel around in the pouches of Kangaroo's .... except back home in Tasmania ;-)

Parking

Parking is free on the street with ample parking outside the studio, there are always spaces available, but do be careful as some restrictions apply on the mornings that they sweep the streets.

I also have a parking permit that you can use when parking outside is restricted to one hour and you're going to be 3 hours. So fear not ... just ask for the permit and it'll save the hassel. Please be aware and mindful of other peoples driveways and don't obstruct them else you may find it's been towed, crushed and recycled so that when you come back instead of your car there'll be a few cans !

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