There are MANY questions that people have regarding various subjects, hopefully here I've been able to answer many that you may have, if not you can always shoot me through an email to find out more ....

General FAQ

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Other FAQ info

What forms of payment do you accept ?

I accept all major cards, cash is good or gold or watches or cash, diamonds, cars and overseas trips.


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When are you available ?

I used to be available 7 days until I realised I also needed a life !!

Monday : Closed ..... (or by special arrangement)

Tuesday : 09:00 to 19:00

Wednesday : 09:00 to 19:00

Thursday : 09:00 to 19:00

Friday : 09:00 to 19:00

Saturday: 09:00 to 19:00

Sunday : Closed

Not overly set in concrete with timing, I can be flexible with hours either before or after those above i.e. 07:00 or 20:00 are not out of the question but would be only considered for frequent clients.

Oh, and I'm also available for round the world trips, tea parties with the royals and guest appearances on TV shows, and that's a no to 'Rippley's Believe It or Not' show.


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Do I need an appointment ?

Well golly let me see ………. I don’t have a life so I usually just sit at home and wait for strangers to come to my door, lost and bewildered, looking for a therapist or maybe someone that will alleviate them of their hairy butt. Yes you do need an appointment otherwise how the hell do l I know that I need to be at my studio. If I don’t have a client booked then chances are I'm off trying to get a life.


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How much notice do I need to give you ?

You're in luck if I'm not busy when you call, you're only 5 minutes down the road and can be here at my studio in 3 minutes (you walk very fast I imagine) and I'm free. More likely though it will depend on my little black book of appointments and other commitments. To guarantee that you get what you want, when you want, and call in advance, usually a couple of days are good enough.


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How far in advance should I arrive for my appointment ?

Well as I don’t have a waiting room, on time would be really good but arriving late you may find yourself experiencing a very violent massage and still get charged for it! If you're too early there is always the pub a few doors down the road and turning up pissed may actually help alleviate any 'discomfort' from the waxing process.


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What if I'm late for my appointment ?

Because of the trials and tribulations of traffic I always allow a safety net of time between clients and the unforeseen ‘can’t find a parking spot’ excuse, which I might say is bullshit because there is plenty of parking out on the street.

Arriving too late will simply limit the time of your treatment, thus lessening its effectiveness and your pleasure. Your appointment will continue as long as possible without encroaching on my next client’s time.

You will be charged however for the full treatment because you were a bad, baaaad boy, or girl.


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Are there any services I should not receive due to health conditions ?

  • Yes. Heart problems! Please don’t die on my massage table, how would I explain that to the television networks?
  • Services that involve the application of heat are not advised if you are pregnant, have high blood pressure or a heart condition.
  • Late term in your pregnancy
  • bad cases of eczema when waxing
  • being badly bruised
  • Having a cold or flu isn't the time to be coming in for a massage nor for a wax as the body is rather sensitive and the waxing can be more painful than usual.

Basically just use your common sense or else ask when making an appointment.


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I want you to come to my place for a house visit, can you be here in like the next 20 - 30 minutes ?

Hmmmm let me see, ‘beam me up Scotty’ only works in the movies so I have found out.

If I have a client scheduled in for that same time here at my studio then no way. Otherwise I will have to fold up my tables, pack my towels, pack my oils, get changed, load up my car and depending on traffic congestion to get out of my driveway at some stage. Oh, I still have to fight traffic to get to your place once I find it on the Melway and, still assuming you are not on the other side of Melbourne, find a car park, unpack all my stuff from my car, and lug it to your place. Wait, I still haven’t set up my table once inside your house and unpacked my towels and oils yet, nor have I said hello to you and had the initial introductory chat. Assuming you are ready to jump on my table, you can start the music and I can start the massage.

So does that answer your question hmmm? Which leads me to my next question and answer.


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Do you charge for a home or hotel visit ?

What? Did you not read the above answer? What do you reckon? Well sorry, I’d love to say I do it for the gratitude shown to me by my clients but as much as I love you all, the preparation, stress and trauma for a home visit will set you back $40 as the whole process for seeing one client at their house takes 2 hrs and not 1 hr if you came to my clinic and if you are a husband / wife team 3 hrs is more like it. Plus there is also the parking fees should there be any.

I do not do waxing as out calls and definitely do not perform LASER treatments other than at my clinic.


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What is the difference between an 'in-call' and an 'out-call' ?

Well that all depends whether you say tomayto or tomarto really.

Unlike a belly button and it's meaning of an 'inny' and 'outy', I call an ‘in-call’ when you come to me and an out-call when I go to you .... as I'm going ‘out’, dah. You on the other hand would probably say that an in-call is when I come to you and an out-call is when you go to me, wouldn’t you say?

The way I see it is that if you are in my studio you are an inny if not you are an outy and nothing to do with belly buttons either.


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What is your tipping policy ?

My tipping policy is accepting anything that you care to bestow upon me.

Thanks again Simon for the bottle of Moet the headache I got was my fault resulting from gluttony. Robert for the scrumptious Italian biscuits, Paul for the homemade jams, Sarah for the great cushions and Bill baby for the wonderful trip around the world 1st class and Jane, what am I meant to do with those plastic things again?

Thank you to all for those Finlandia Vodkas that turn up just before Christmas too .... though I'd still like some keys to a McLaren, just a hint.


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What should I wear to my appointment ?

Definitely NOT a monkey suit, and leave the handcuffs at home too, they just won’t work and very hard to drive home without keys to them.

What you wear to an appointment is up to yourself, but what you wear AFTER I would suggest something different, a loose baggy t-shirt and sloppy ol' trackies .... .

Massages: Ideally come along in something comfortable and relaxing, nothing to tight around the waist but all comfy gear that's easy to undress in and out of. Also make sure that it's nothing to special in case we've used aromatherapy, I towel you down any way to remove the excess oil which helps in case you turn up in your business attire ..... or that monkey suit.

Waxing: Rather similar to the massage suggestions. Wear your daggiest pair of undies just in case any accidents happen with the wax, if you are getting and work done around your arse or balls then the BEST thing to wear other than jocks is a jockstrap ... unless you're a freeballer. When waxing large areas of your body you may feel a 'stickiness' so you don't really want to be putting those designer clothing back on afterwards so bring along a change of clothing (shower facilities are available too). Totally understand it's not always practical to be lugging around a small suit case to choose what to wear afterwards too.


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Do you have gift certificates ?

Yes I do, just call me to arrange to pick one up. Just a note of caution though, if you are buying a waxing gift certificate for someone, male or female be careful how you word it or present it and also how well you know them. Some guys have received certificates and have been embarrassed receiving them and still haven't show up to use them.


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May I request a male or female therapist?

Yes you can but it won’t do you any good, I think I would look hideous in a short skirt and heels! And if there's a bra that fits my chest then that's one serious bit of woman flesh to be very, very afraid of !!!

Have been considering the whole 'furry' costume thing of late .... there's a request to be worried about !


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What about my personal comfort ?

So what about your comfort! God you thing this is all about you eh ....... What about my aching back oh, and my corns and bunions, have I told you about my hernia, probably not I would've been too busy telling you about my migraine?

No seriously, this is YOUR time and you should delight in the experience to the fullest. If it’s the room temperature, the amount of massage pressure or the volume of the music, whatever it is that makes the total experience more comfortable for you, then just tell me and I'm more than happy to accommodate.


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Do you see women as well as men?

I see women, I see men, I see men and men or women and women and sometimes I see stars and little green people waving at me beckoning me to meet up with them and their big oval spaceship – Got to love the influence of Finlandia Vodka!


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How long have you been practicing massage therapy and waxing ?

I have been massaging since 1997 and body waxing since 2000 and loving every minute of it, so depending on what year it is that you are in when reading this .... you work out the maths.


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Are you any good ?

What sort of dumb question is that? No I am absolutely shitful, I have no idea how to massage and using wax is when you light a candle and drip it all over someone and hope they go oooohhhhhhhhh yyyyyeeeeeaaaaaaaaahhhhhh isn’t it? Stop asking brainless questions.

I am unbelievably brilliant, just read the feedback


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Should I shower before an appointment ?

Bloody hell you should. Females, well the majority of them are always fresh as a daisy and are full of sugar and spice. Guys, you're ok too but please shower before hand when coming in for a genital wax, in fact it really is a must, particularly on a hot humid day in the middle of summer ........ I beg you to shower, especially when it's your arse you intend on getting waxed !


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Can I shower after an appointment ?

If absolutely necessary it just means that I have to do extra washing and use more water than my rations from the water company allow, besides meaning that I have to keep my bathroom clean and tidy, and don't forget I am a male, and males plus house work aren't exactly a good mix. (it's an excuse ok)

My waxing studio has shower facilities so by all means have a shower either before or after ... just don't expect me to come in and wash your back. After a full body wax, clip or massage you may feel more comfortable by having a shower. If it IS your intent to use the shower please let me know before hand so that I can allow adequate time between you and my next client's appointment.

The oil I use on you is extremely good for your skin and any excess I will towel off you at the end of the massage, it is also a water soluble one so it just washes out in the wash ....... funny that. If you do not want an essential oil, like grandma’s lavender, in the massaging oil then by all means let me know before the massage!

If I'm at your place I don't give a rats how many showers you take after an appointment, stay in there all day and night if you like ..... the word 'prune' will have a meaning to you afterwards, that's for sure haha


No hot baths, hot showers, steam rooms or sexual activity for around 10 hours after you've had a Brazilian or BBC. While your pores are open they're extremely vulnerable to irritation by the extreme temperatures and infection by bacteria.


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I feel uncomfortable going to a private studio as opposed to a commercial address .....

So that is why sometimes I have no-shows with women being the main culprits. May I remind you all that I am a Professional and will give you as much privacy as you need which is why I leave the room for you women to disrobe. Your privacy is respected at all times.

I have a reputation to uphold and have gained the respect of many people and am not about to throw it away because you think I am a dodgy perverted character and can’t wait to see you naked. P L A - E A S E give me more credit.


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All services are provided by a professional MALE Aesthetician, in a comfortable and private studio where discretion is paramount.  

0413 520 420

The Body Barber Melbourne, Australia



This is a professional body hair management clinic and in no way do I offer, or provide, sexual services.

Site Last Updated: 21/08/2018