Massage FAQ

This is my turn to be able to provide answers to some of the many questions that I have been asked over the times and at least here I can answer them in more detail and hope that you’ll find them as entertaining as I have had fun answering them as honest as I can. Sometimes people really do ask the dumbest questions but hey, they ask because they want to know and no question is too dumb when someone learns something as a result .... agreed ?

I don’t believe in beating about the bush, except maybe during a waxing session, but then that is another bush all together! So you will need an open mind and a sense of humour and if you have any questions, no matter how bizarre you may think it is, there is always the guest book for you to fill in.


Massage FAQ

What do I wear during the massage?

Whatever you want, except for that monkey suit! Really it is whatever you feel comfortable in. I practice professional draping techniques at all times so it is up to you whether you want that or not. If you haven’t showered or wiped your arse properly you bet your bottom dollar you will be covered up in towels like an Egyptian mummy!!

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Do I leave my jocks on for the massage?

"Do I" meaning you the client and not me the therapist let's get that sorted out first.

That is entirely up to yourself and how comfortable you feel. I practice professional draping techniques with metres and metres and metres of towels so only the area working on is exposed. (Don’t forget I have seen it all many times over).

Both men and women are to wear suitable underwear ... definitely NOT your most expensive lace numbers and I'd rather not see a giant bit of floss trying to cut your arse in two unless you have been to the sawmill and had that forest removed (yes you men out there, that includes you !) Grandma's bloomers aren't going to work either and neither are boxers as you don't want to be getting oil on them but also they can tend to get in the way and a heap of cloth bunched up around your thighs isn't going to let the masseur get to far up the leg. Whether you wear a bra or not is entirely up to you and how comfortable you are. The practioner will unclip when working the back and lat area and then do it back up before moving on to the next area.

Guys, be minful of wearing very loose boxers .... and be aware and be warned that if ‘something’ comes ‘up’ during the massage it can at least be contained if you are wearing firm fitting jocks with a firm waist band. If you decide to wear your birthday suit then it could be very awkward for both yourself and your male/female practioner.

If those jocks aren't strong enough to contain that wild beast then mate I am signing you up for the movies and charging you a huge talent spotting fee!

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Do you use oil?

Yes straight out of the fish and chip shops fryers next-door. Yes I use oil rather than creams or lotions, usually an almond oil, grape seed oil or walnut. Every masseur will have their own oil that they prefer to work with but beware of the backyard practitioner that use horrid things like baby oil or home brand oils for cooking that will leave you feeling all gluggy and smelly. You are paying hard earned money for your massage; don’t let them use a shit product on you!

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What sort of massage do you do?

Here we go ….. Just what sort of massage do you want hmmmmmmmm ? No I am not a cute little Thai girl smiling all the time and ‘me give you good rub long time with happy ending’. I am rather talented and can do a variety of styles all in the one session if you are up for it. If you want me to give it to you soft I can do it soft, if you want it hard, I can do it hard, if you want it in the middle, heck, I can do that too. If you want me to get right inside there and make your eyes feel like they are going to pop, I can do that too, just be sure to catch them.


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Do you do full body massage?

What exactly do you mean by ‘full body’?  Your whole body as opposed to one that is dismembered?

Everyone has a different opinion of what ‘full body’ is, highlighted to me by guys asking for a full body wax and then when they come in only want chest and back done and I've allocated 2.5 hrs for their 'full body'..... seriously ????

Generally in a 60 min massage that requires some deeper work or concentration on the back due to any issues, I don't cover the areas of arms, hands, feet or scalp. If it is just an all over relaxation massage, the 60 min will allow for those areas to be covered.

The areas of the body is sectioned, it stands to reason then that the more time you spend on one section means that other sections are either going to miss out or be skimmed over. Bear this in mind when you ask for certain areas to have more time spent on them.

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Is it ‘all inclusive’?

All-inclusive, as in dinner and show? You will have to pay for the drinks and the dinner, (I love King Island Crayfish). ………….. It is a massage for heaven’s sake, oh, and you will be paying for that too.

Someone recently text me asking 'What is included in a massage?' That was it, no name, no hello how are you, just 'what is included in a massage?' I replied with a text 'It's a massage mate, m a s s a g e ..... not a dinner and show'

I still haven't heard back from them lol and they obviously haven't read my website very well judging from the above FAQs


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Can I have a girl massage me?

Yes you can but then you wouldn't be coming to me then would you and I have already discussed how ugly I imagine myself to look wearing stilettos and a short skirt.

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What is NOT included in your massage?

Sex, need I spell it out, it seems that I do ..... S    E    X . You and I both know that there are heaps of people that call themselves masseurs when really they’re sex workers or just someone that has done a weekend course in massage, so that they can grope, and ogle over naked or semi naked bodies ... and get paid for it.

If you're unsure, call and ask. Be up front with what you are wanting from your massage, I’ll respect you more and be able to save both you and your money time and my time as well. Yes, yes, yes, I do encourage people to vocalise during a massage as part of their breathing technique and relaxation. When you start grinding your hips into the table or lifting your arse into the air it sure doesn't show me you’re relaxing in any way or form and besides, you’ll probably do your lower back in arching into the air like that !

Genital size is not something that is going to impress me or any professional masseur either and waving it around only gets you extra firm trigger point therapy to make you think twice about wiggling it again, Ive seen them all before and there’s always someone out there bigger than you so get over it. Yes your penis is a muscle too but like I have said it’s one of the muscles that I don’t do but I know there are heaps of other people out there that will.

Don't insult, offend, or intimidate a legitimate massage therapist by expecting it from them. Sensual does not equal sexual, ask most women and it’s been something that they’ve been scream to us guys for ages ... not everything sensual has to lead to sex !

When talking about professional massage therapy, you can receive a massage that is relieving, pleasurable, sensual, and if you try to make it into a sexual activity, you will rob yourself of the experience of enjoying it for what is offered.


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What if I’m embarrassed about my body or shy ?

I’ve seen people of all shapes big and small, dwarfs and giants, all colours, and persuasions straight, gay, cross dressers .... You name it ..... But,  although I’m comfortable about your body I still respect that you may not be. Like I’ve mentioned, I’m not there to judge you, your physique or make assumptions, I’ll give you privacy, use professional draping techniques and am very good at listening should you have any questions or admissions.

Don’t let your concern about what I’m going to think about the hair on your back or the cellulite on your thighs stop you from coming in and enjoying the experience of having a massage, such a pleasurable experience shouldn't be denied.

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Prostate massage?

Are you serious ????



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How much is the massage going to cost me?

See the prices section

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What if the massage wasn't what I’d expected ?

Make sure you talk to me and tell me exactly what you are wanting from your massage.
Everyone has their own style of doing a massage, generally based around Swedish massage as this is the most common form. They’ll have their own style, strokes that they like to use, different approach be it more clinical and have the whole setup or a more casual one where it’s just in their lounge with the heater on. There is also the personality thing too, I find I get along with the majority of people and can chat about any subject you like but that doesn't work for all. I have a few regular clients that will only say a few words during the whole session, but they are here to relax and unwind leaving their socialising for when they’re out and about.

I’ve had massages myself over the years from both men and women and various styles, some were very good and others I couldn't wait to get out of there quick enough. I don’t tell them that I’m a massage therapist myself as I’ve experienced ‘uneasiness’ from them so now I save the uneasy feeling and play dumb. What I’ve found over the time is that some will skip over areas that need more attention, some areas aren't even done at all even though I’d told them what areas I wanted to be worked on.  At times there’s been no heater in the room, towels were damp, fingernails unclipped, and an alarm clock or someone knocks on the door when the 60 minutes is up even though they’ve been chatting and didn't start the massage until 15 minutes after I arrived !!! My biggest complaint is that they don’t go in hard enough. They’ve passed the warm up and should be beginning the deeper side of things and when I ask them to go in harder they say in a very concerned manner that they “don’t want to go to deep as they may hurt me” ..... “Trust me” I tell them, “if you hurt me you’ll know about it !”

All that said and bitched most of the time it’s just me being disappointed with the massage, I’ve still received the benefits of having had a massage but really most of the time I could have got the same massage from my neighbour who hasn't done a course.

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All services are provided by a professional MALE Aesthetician, in a comfortable and private studio where discretion is paramount.  

0413 520 420

The Body Barber Melbourne, Australia



This is a professional body hair management clinic and in no way do I offer, or provide, sexual services.

Site Last Updated: 21/08/2018