So why did you go get a laser ?

So what’s the story behind unwanted hair growth then ? I guess someone had to ask the question, hair growth is the result of our genetics, how closely we’re related to our friends in the game reserves of Central Africa and our hormone levels. There are also various drugs be they medication for an illness or a condition, gender transitional, or to combat other various things we’re afflicted with that can bring on unwanted hair growth.

Men’s laser hair removal Melbourne ? Well then, after spending so much of my time, energy and social life ripping the short and curlies out of guy’s arseholes, backs, chests, balls and bits and anywhere else that unwanted fluff sprouts from …. It seemed that the only real solution for me to get some time off and get a life would be to make this whole hair removal shit more permanent.

I can honestly say that where I’m coming from is to help you guys, girls and those that don’t identify as either sex, find a solution to get rid of the hair that’s growing in places you’d rather it didn’t. It therefore come to pass that the natural order of things saw me investigate a more permanent result. Some of my clients have been coming to me for over 12 years now, god bless them, and are still getting the same treatments except their stories are becoming more exciting, and will continue to do so until their arses have finally had enough and no longer grow hair …… I think that usually happens a week or so after you’ve been buried or within minutes if you’ve nominated to be BBQ’d ha-ha

Marketing and those Advertising guru’s pretty well shape how we live and interact with each other these days, so who said we’re an intelligent species eh ?? Magazines and online sites are constantly throwing images at us which we see and assume is the norm or what is expected of us and therefore what we want to ultimately try and mimic.

According to the advertising executives, excessive or visible hair on certain parts of our bods is apparently problematic and unattractive ….. says who ? That being asked, it’s also created a niche for me that is keeping me off the streets and couped up inside ripping hair out of men’s nuts. Also, now that we’re all watching so much porn since you can’t search for anything these days without getting some form of pornography thrown at you …. boys are now not only stressing out about their school exams but the onset of puberty will see hair growing around their developing man bits and from what they’ve been watching on the internet, the amazing sex gods that they aspire to be like DON’T have hair on their schlongs !! *add scream of young male voice whose voice is breaking*

Sooooo in a panic to maintain their fantasy of becoming the ‘sex god’ of their city they then search for men’s hair removal Melbourne and a chorus of angels herald in their search result leading them to my website.

So which yellow brick road then was I going to travel down to be greeted by the technology that was most suited to my needs ? ….. and boy, do I have needs !

There are SO many ways of removing said unwanted hair, here’s a link but if really serious then its technology that you’ll want to look at as I did.

A couple of technologies came to the forefront, Electrolysis, IPL and LASER ……  I investigated them, weighed them up and have chosen the path of LASER. NOT just any ol’ LASER but I re-mortgaged my house, sold my children (kept the dog), to get this kick-arse LASER unit that just so happens to be, at the time of me punching on this keyboard, the only unit of its type in Australia. It’s at the forefront of the science and also of the direction that the LASER technology/industry is heading down. German engineering at its best !!

Trying to research stuff on the net, although usually full of it, I found it tedious and so for those of you that are interested in the various technologies I’m going to crap on at infinitum, or until this bottle of vodka empties, about it all.

So a warning then, if you have time on your hands, read on …… if not, then maybe move on to other pages and get to the nitty gritty and don’t come to me complaining about how you lost your Saturday night watching the usual porn because you became entrapped with reading my dribble ;-) link to laser, the process page

I had so many questions and when I asked various business’s about the procedures in general I’d always get the “you have to come in for a consultation so that we can asses you and explain in greater detail and give you a quote on how much it may cost” ….. bla bla bla

This annoyed the shit out of me for the following reasons …..

  1. I had to travel to god-knows-where for a consultation that, with the traffic in Melbourne these days, I really didn’t want to do.
  2. What if I didn’t like the vibe of the place or that it was all to pink and girlie fluffy with whale’s mating calls disguised as music in the background and so travelled all that way for nothing ?
  3. What if I didn’t ‘click’ with the people there and find a 21 year old just out of ‘beauty school’ trying to feign interest it what she’s been told to do by those others that didn’t want to tackle me. The pulling of faces whilst having to explain how she is going to tackle the nest of hair on my arse wouldn’t make me feel comfortable or confident.
  4. What happens if the technology they have is old, that the quote is way too expensive, (probably because they really don’t want to deal with the man fluff on my arse …. And god help them if I wanted my balls done)

So I’m thinking that there are many others out there like myself that want the knowledge, to become informed/educated about which technology is right for them and what sort of costs are we talking about. I’ve spoke to a girl that has quite hairy legs, she’s had 12 sessions of IPL and spent just on $3000 and said that she can’t see any result. When I told her that I’d just bought a Laser she asked me if she could come in and try Laser. I was rather surprised that after already having spent $3k she was willing to spend more money to get the result she wanted, such is the desire to hair free. A guy, a waxing client of mine, also rather hairy told me to never get IPL done as it doesn’t work. He’s had his back IPL’d and also went for over 10 sessions and had no result either. Fracking great I thought and then pointed over to the Laser machine I’d just got delivery of with a now dampened outlook and a few questions to myself on why did I do it ?

From here we go in to the technologies that I was deciding between and just a little history about them. (Clicking on either of the terms will take you post haste to their respective page.)

  1. Electrolysis I’ll touch on briefly but I’ll spend more time on LASER and IPL as they were the best for what I wanted and needed …. Yes, yes I know I may be a needy person ….
  2. LASER : is an acronym for Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation ….. Struth ! hence it’s just called LASER and for the purposes of not looking like I’m continuously ‘shouting’ when I type ‘LASER’ I’ll now be more ‘civilised’ and refer to it as ‘Laser’
  3. IPL : again, is an acronym for ‘Intense Pulse Light’. IPL is trademarked, hence it is often confused with Laser but also can be referred to as I2PL, UPL, VPL, SPL, SPFT, SIPL, PTF, CPL AFT, E-Light, ELOS, M-Light just to name a few

NOW then, a lot of you numb nuts have told me that you’ve had LASER treatments but when I’ve questioned you further it turns out that you’ve had IPL hair reduction in Melbourne and NOT LASER hair reduction in Melbourne, of course, some of you have had treatment elsewhere but there seems to be a bit of confusion regarding the difference between LASER and IPL. So, what the frack is the difference between LASER and IPL ? click here to find out after you’ve grabbed another coffee.

Once you’ve gotten your head around the two technologies of LASER and IPL I’m now going to concentrate on LASER, whoops not shouting …. Laser …. As that’s what I’ve sold my sole to those bastard banks for … seriously, how can banks as a company make SO much profit after tax and still need to rip people off and retrench staff ??? … Don’t get me started !!

Ok then, after a little vent back to the Vodka and this hairy topic ….

Most of you will just want to know how much it will cost, and I get that and you can go straight to my Laser price list to get an idea roughly of what costs you may be looking at …. What I don’t get is the variation out there of what treatments will cost between various businesses, but then sometimes that ol’ adage ‘you get what you pay for’ is quite apt. I’ve seen prices to get a full back Lasered/IPL’d ranging from $99 from those dodgy Scoupon deals to over $500 per session !

Hair Removal Cost and why does it vary so much ? Honestly, the only way that you’ll get to have some idea of how much something will cost is to actually get that consultation. The trouble is if you want to get several quotes because you’re price hunting you’ll probably need to have several ‘wasted’ consultations, you’ll have to sit through the same dribble each time just for them to tell you a price. That ‘dribble’ though could be what gives you the confidence to get the procedure done at a specific business ;-)

Getting Laser as opposed to Waxing is a choice that some of you have made or have yet to make. Some of you guys will never have had a wax yet are willing to go down the path of Laser to rid yourself of that ‘fluff’ you are self-conscious about. Whatever the case can I just say … like you have a choice, that if it’s hair that you want gone forever ? then go toward the light, Laser light that is …. Or IPL for that matter, but I bought a Laser for reasons I think would benefit most the person wanting the best solution. Like I said, some of my clients have been coming to me on a regular basis for over 10 years and will continue to do so for another 10, god willing. In that time they’ve spent money than they would have had they received Laser treatment for that area. Yes Laser may seem ‘expensive’ but then one doesn’t quibble about spending $3k on a new gaming computer, or $2k on a new tattoo that may require another $3k to be spent on later in life when you wonder what the hell you were thinking about when you first got it. OK, so we know the benefits on those women out there that’ve spent $15k on getting larger breasts ….. but that’s different.

Seriously though, rather than spending the time waxing every 5 or 6 weeks or shaving every 2nd day, get Lasered instead.

NOW then your expectations ??? Be mindful though of your expectations and realise the reality of the results you hope to achieve and what is actually achievable in the world of no bullshit.

It is called ‘Permanent Hair Reduction’ NOT ‘Permanent Hair Removal’ for a reason. If you’ve been trolling the internet like I did at first, you’ll no doubt come across hundreds of sites suggesting that Laser/IPL hair removal is permanent, well guys the reality of it is that it’s not 100% true, they’re telling non-pigmented lies. Everyone out there has different body hair and all will react differently to the various forms of hair removal.

The only hair removal method that can be considered permanent, that is the hair will never grow back, is Electrolysis. Electrolysis is a hugely time and labour intensive process of individually ‘blasting the shit’ out of each INDIVIDUAL hair so that the follicle and or root are killed for good.

Marketing has a LOT to answer for these days with the way that they sell things online or advertise in the media, honestly those clever marketing people could make a person think that by buying ANOTHER ab crunch machine it’ll do the job that the other 6 devices they previously bought will work better ….. and, they call the human race intelligent ??? (No I haven’t bought one, I bought a cross trainer instead ha-ha) “If you buy this home Laser hair removal machine you’ll banish hair away and you’ll never have to stress about unwanted pubes again” …. Good luck with that.

Having said all that it may come across negatively but all I’m trying to do is to point out the reality of things, the German whizz bang machine that I bought DOES give great results and in a short amount of time. Results will vary, and that’s natural, and that’s also why I’ve put up photos from clients of mine showing the results that we’ve achieved. Please respect my clients privacy and don’t copy the pics, after looking a quite a lot of sites I’ve come across the same guy’s back showing his ‘before and after’ results on a dozen or so sights who’s businesses are in various parts of the world …. He’s a very busy man I’d say with some seriously heavy jetlag !

So now that you’ve had several coffees and are sitting there wide eyed like a DreamWorks animated character you must have decided one way or the other …. If Laser is not for you, try waxing (youch), and if that’s not your thing and you’d rather remain hairy with the possibility of never attracting a sexual happenstance again …. Do something at least and come in and see me for a body clip ;-)

By the same token, if you think that Laser is for you then by all means contact me to arrange a consultation and patch test before moving on to a treatment regime, and if not with me then there are shitloads of people out there doing it and you’ll be back in to Google searching for Men’s Laser Melbourne. Find a place that you’re happy with, comfortable and installs the confidence you want to go down the Men’s Laser Melbourne pathway and banish the majority of your unwanted hair forever !

Happy Hunting !!

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All services are provided by a professional MALE Aesthetician, in a comfortable and private studio where discretion is paramount.  

0413 520 420

The Body Barber Melbourne, Australia



This is a professional body hair management clinic and in no way do I offer, or provide, sexual services.

Site Last Updated: 21/08/2018