LASER Hair Removal

The Process

I can’t stress enough how important it is that you feel comfortable with whoever you go to for your laser treatments. Obviously my site is done with tongue in cheek and no that’s not arse cheeks I’m referring too, but in reality I do take it VERY seriously.

I’m here to provide a service that is going to get you results. Reducing your body hair and help to get the confidence back to take off your shirt in public, your underwear in the gym or just feeling good about yourself in general. I’m not a hairy guy so I can’t say “yeah mate, I know how it feels” because I don’t. I don’t believe in bullshitting either, I’m not here to rip people off, I have standards, ethics, a conscience and I do actually care. I want what’s best for you and won’t crap on trying to get you to try laser out when it’s not going to work for you or I’ll send you somewhere else that may be able to help.

The consultation process is VERY important guys, I know when faced with someone answering to many questions we think is irrelevant we tend to switch off, just nod our heads, and mutter in agreeance every now and again and it’ll all go away … just ask your wife or girlfriend. I KNOW how some of you are with your waxing regime and your non-caring attitudes but laser hair removal is serious shit so take notice for once.

I’ll be more than happy to answer any questions that you have, no matter how many times I’ve said the same thing on the same day, no matter how many times I have to ask “didn’t you read that on the site?”, no matter what the question is about, be it waxing, clipping, laser, gardening, or how you think you’d look in those swim togs I sell. I am but a wealth of information and sooooo full of it.

The process index

Are you suited for LASER hair removal ?

There really is no point going any further if you are not suited to LASER hair removal. Check out the dedicated page for this life altering decision you are about to undertake; it'll also provide you with a link back to this page at the bottom.


Don’t forget, laser hair removal is NOT to be taken lightly, it's not done using a toy or to be gathered around your friend's place, a bottle of vodka and a home laser kit. It’s serious shit so there’ll be things you just can’t do whilst having treatments. It's a commitment to a series of procedures over the course of several months, generally every 4-7 weeks depending on the area being treated. You can't go putting a lunch date with your mates above your appointment for LASER hair removal, I'm quite busy and work to a tight schedule so the chances of rescheduling to the next day isn't an option and even the following week may be a long shot.

Take it seriously, if you can’t be bothered with all of it then obviously you’re not in the right headspace to go down the Laser or IPL path. Good luck and enjoy getting waxed for the rest of your life ;-)

Am I a candidate for LASER hair removal in Melbourne ?

The Consultation

What you do now is to contact me, or the clinic of your choice, and get yourself in for a consultation as there are a few steps that you’ll need to go through before starting your treatment. Once you’ve made your choice to get laser you’ll want to jump in and get your hands dirty with it, I get that totally, but first things first I’m afraid.

I’ll want to check out the hair in the area to be removed, say hi, introduce myself and get acquainted with all those follicles before I introduce them to their after-life.

First you’ll have to complete a short questionnaire relating to your hair removal needs, your realistic expectations, and medical history. This is a non-negotiable requirement I’m afraid, regardless of any previous laser, IPL or other light therapy treatment they you may have done previously.

Once we’ve worked out your skin type, hair type, gone through the screening process of medications and any health issues that you may or may not have and so determined that you’re a GREAT candidate for laser hair removal, with your signed consent, it’s time for patch testing.





The Fitzpatrick Scale : in greater detail.



Why do I need a laser patch test ?

Your patch test will be done at least 1 week before your treatment commences and will be the only time that I’ll role play the Head Master demanding, for safety reasons, to ensure we get the right settings down so that when you return a week or so later we can assess your skin and see how it and your hair have reacted

A picture tells a thousand words ….. As seen below, a section of skin is clear felled of any old world growth and undergrowth (don’t tell the conservationists), this patch is then divided into sections so that we can determine  safe and effective parameters for your skin and hair type. 



We want to determine the settings of the laser treatment that will give you the best results so, using several settings tailored to your skin and hair type, we’ll start at a lower level of energy and then gradually work our way up to what will be a good clinical endpoint.

(this point is repeated within the FAQ page)

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Do I need to do anything special before having a patch test ?


Once you’ve decided to come in for a patch test there are a few things you ought to be mindful of

Stop tanning.

    • Laser hair removal is most effective when your skin is closest to its natural colour which would probably be your arse cheeks. Everyone has different skin tones and I’ll work with that but still give me a little lovin’. 2 weeks before coming in stay out of the sun, away from fake tans, out of sun-tanning beds or off tanning drugs. Start wearing sunscreen of 50 000+ as tanning is the most common cause of blistering after laser hair removal.

Cross check your skincare regimen.

    • Maybe you’re on acne drugs like Accutane or using anti-aging products on your skin. I know a LOT of Asians and Sub-Continent people use skin care products that also contain agents to lighten their skin. Check out what’s in your products as alpha-hydroxy acid, salicylic acid, benzoyl peroxide and others can cause irritation. If you’re told to stop using, then STOP using …. If someone has a reaction a lot of the time it’s because they haven’t been totally honest with their hair removal specialist or themselves.


Stop waxing, plucking, threading, tweezing or getting electrolysis.

    • The shaft has to be kept intact, hair shaft that is, for the laser to work its magic and stop hair growth. The hair has to be connected to the root for the laser to be effective at the time of treatment otherwise you’ll need more appointments and that’ll be more expensive and frustrate the crap out of me. I want instantaneous results as much as you do.



    • I need to know the extent of your hair growth and its coverage, so shaving is fine up until a couple of days before your patch test but I’d really prefer you didn’t shave at all, I want to see you at your best and hairiest so that I can, on closer inspection, know the extent of hair coverage and if the colour of your hair is lighter rather than darker and therefore how much of the area needs treating. I’ll tell you when I prefer you to start shaving at home and then you can shave 10 times a day for all I care.

      Why do I want you to eventually shave before coming in ?

    • Because the hair will be absorbing the heat of the laser, travelling down the hair shaft to destroy your root (not the one from Saturday night), so there’s no point in wasting the energy of the laser with the hair above the skin. Any hair above the skin will heat up and literally ‘cook’ and ‘melt’ onto your skin …. Umm YOUCH ! you’ll eventually smell the scorched hair and certainly feel the sharp ‘rubber band flick’. The same will apply to any ingrown hairs sitting just under the skin. They may be 2 or 3cm long but you can’t really do much about them sorry. When someone says, “wow, I felt that one compared to the other spots”, it’s probably because there’s hair sitting on top of the skin’s surface or a hair that’s ingrown and sitting just under the surface.

      Body hair grows back thicker when you shave it ?

    • I can remember reading something to the effect that strong scientific evidence blows this old wives tale out of the water. Apparently there have been clinical trials from as early as 1928 showing that there was no effect on hair growth from shaving. If there was, wouldn't we all be running around looking like the lost Bunyip or Yeti ??
    • Shaving doesn’t affect the thickness or speed at which hair grows as the act of shaving removes the dead portion of hair NOT the living section. Shaved hair gives you the impression of coming back thicker because the shaved hair lacks the finer tapered tip of a new hair and instead has been chopped off like a fallen tree leaving a blunt ‘tree stump’ behind giving it that coarseness feeling.

Makeup and smells.

    Makeup, aftershaves, eau de toilettes, skin care creams and so forth, for the area that you want treated just keep it clean.

Jewellery and add-ons.

    Any jewellery, piercings, implants, merkins, cock rings and, or, anything else that you may have ‘secreted’ anyway may have to be removed for the area that we’re doing, but we can check this out and decide at the time.


    We something loose and comfortable, something that breathes well and especially during the summer months. You don't want anything clingy against your skin after a treatment .... loose underwear, boxers etc., or commando rather than tighter Calvin’s or briefs

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What can you expect from a consultation?

Before patch test,

before 1st treatment,

During treatment

After treatment

Before your initial patch test

As with everyone, I’ll always tell you what you have to do before your first treatment when you come in for your initial consultation.

Come to the treatment without a tan. For about 2 weeks before starting your treatments and several days after, stay out of the sun ! Always use a 30+ sunscreen on exposed areas that you’re treating, don’t go getting waxed in this time either, don’t go plucking (that’s with a ‘P’ not an ‘F’), use any bleach or depilatory creams or have any chemical peels etc. either. Check what medications you’re taking and whether or not they’re photosensitising, if you’ve been using any acne medications then don’t come in for laser treatment for at least 6 months AFTER you stopped using them. Always seek medical advice before starting treatments to be on the safe side and tell your GP what you’re going to do and where you’re going to do it in case they have any objections or concerns seeing as they’ll know your medical history.

The day of your treatment keep the body cool, so keep out of the sun and don’t go exercising be it at the gym or running around the Botanical Gardens. Don’t go having hot showers or wear tight clothing, you may look good and sculpted in them but not a good idea wearing them the day of your treatment

Before each and every appointment there’ll be paperwork to be updated so lots of chatting, asking questions and getting answers just in case you’ve had to start any medications since we last saw each other and also, in the case that you may have multiple personalities, I’m talking to the same person I saw last time. Once we’ve finished socialising and the canapés have run out you’ll sign a consent form, I’ll give you a cool pair of protective glasses for you to wear and we can get the party started.

Before your 1st full treatment

During the patch test your hair growth pattern of the area that you want to be treated will have been noted so before your full treatment you could shave the area, if you don’t like the idea of that then get the clippers out and trim as close to the skin as you can.

DO NOT use a chemical hair removal product instead, go the shaver and do this the night before if you can so that your skin has time to recover from any sensitivity caused during the shaving or clip process. If you don’t shave and you want the clinic staff to do it instead then you can expect to pay around $45 for the privilege …. It takes valuable time, drags out the whole process and your skin will be sensitive and angry before you even start resulting in the whole experience being probably more painful than it should’ve been.

When shaving don’t be slap happy with it either, I understand that some of you guys may not have ever shaved yourself before but if you don’t get it smooth you’ll leave enough hair behind that I’ll probably have to grab a couple of shavers and go over you again.

During your treatment.

I’ll begin by doing a test pulse on your skin close to where we’ll be doing the patch test so that you have an idea of what it feels like. People have at times described the sensation as if someone is pricking them with little needles or flicking them with rubber bands. The actual head of my laser is able to be cooled down to a setting anywhere between 0 and 6, obviously the cooler the head the less discomfort you’ll feel. Having said that, I have a client that recently had their balls lasered and past a comment, (several actually), but one that struck me other than him saying the whole process of getting his cock and balls lasered was less ‘painful’ that getting them waxed, was the coldness of the laser head.

It doesn’t last long but the hair density will play a huge role here. Not many hairs per cm2 won’t feel like the area that has shitloads of them. If it’s your back you’re getting done, then places like the ‘welcome mat’, your lats and around your neckline may be the areas that have a denser hair growth and therefore you feel it more. Don’t forget also that if you have any ingrown hairs that are stuck under the skin then they can absorb a great deal more heat than just one follicle so that might sting a bit more too but this is where the cooling device comes in to play from the laser head.

You may also smell singed hair …..this is quite normal for any hair growth outside of the skin even if it is only 1mm long, you’re getting hair ‘burnt’ off so it’s to be expected there may be some smell other than the smell of your fear or soiled jocks.

Don’t forget though, at any time should you feel the need to take a break, be sure to let me, or the technician if you go elsewhere, know so that I can stop and let you and your skin rest for a few minutes.

After your treatment.

If you haven’t had your head buried under the pillow or used a towel over your face to ‘hide’, you may have noticed some little lumps that give the appearance of haven been bitten by mossies, there may be some redness of the area or still have some warmth left in the skin after the laser treatment …. All this is perfectly normal and most of these symptoms will disappear within several minutes to a few hours or more. I’ll use an aloe gel to help reduce any discomfort after the treatment and you can continue to use one when you get home if needed.

Once it’s all over I’ll apply some aloe to soothe the skin and then spray a rejuvenation spay over to lock in the moisture and protect the treated area. Avoid sun exposure, avoid, avoid, avoid !!! and use a minimum SPF 30 sunscreen a few weeks before and after any treatment.

Between 1 to 2 weeks after your treatment you’ll start to notice shedding. This is not hair regrowth but the treated hair that was in the skin finding its way out and then falling out. Shedding is when you grab the hair and slowly pull on it … if the hair comes out very easily without irritation to the surrounding skin this is then shedding. If you pull it and the surrounding skin moves with it then it’s either not shedding yet or it wasn’t connected to the root in the first place and wasn’t treated effectively as a result.

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Why do I need a series of treatments then ?

You need a series of treatments because the people who have bought the machines have a massive debt that they need to pay off whilst they’re holidaying and resting up on the beach at Turtle Cove Resort.

Nah, you need a series of treatments because of your hair growth cycle plain and simple. It’s actually quite interesting this cycle, so I’d encourage you MAMILs out there to put on your lycra co-ordinating outfits, get on your bike for a ride of discovery.

Understanding why you need a series of treatments will also help those of you that wax to realise the benefits of maintaining a regular waxing regime.

Briefly then, your hair at any given stage is in one of the 3 growth phases. Anagen (growing) Catagen (transitional) and Telogen (resting) It’s when in the ‘resting’ phase that the laser won’t be effective because the hair isn’t connected to the root so to put it simply, the hair needs to be rooted before it can be completely f*#ked so to speak. This stage of resting lasts anywhere from 1 to 4 months and 10 to 15% of the hair is in this stage at any particular time. That, my dear, is why on average you’ll need around 5-6 treatments to achieve maximum results …… A note here about your expectations, I’ve spoken to several people though that have had up to 12 treatments and decided to stop as they couldn’t see ANY difference. Even though they said laser, when asking them for more information they were getting treated by IPL and NOT laser, but I still wonder after having had so many treatments and with one lady paying $3 000, how and why it didn’t have some result at least !

So, back to expectations …… like a lot of things these days we want instant results and even when using laser people actually do think it’s a one off or 3 at most visits, think again. 5 or 6 treatments will be required to get the best results and even then you will need, should you be pedantic with your hair, maintenance sessions once or twice a year. Only hair that is apparent is treated so there’s no way of knowing, unless you have a direct link to the gods, whether in 10 years’ time you’re going to have hair on your shoulders that wasn’t there when you had your back lasered. Hormones, some medications, how closely related to our friends the apes you are etcetera all have the possibility of producing hair or just look at your genetics for an idea of what may be your future …. Scary eh.

Different body parts will respond differently, but then that’s all explained in greater detail in the pages of hair growth cycle.

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How many treatments will I need ?

The area will need to be treated every 4-6 weeks for around 8 months to achieve the best results.



To be totally effective you WILL need multiple treatments, I just thought I’d reiterate that as I’ve already had clients, after me explaining to them in the initial consultation, coming back after one treatment and expressing their surprise that they didn’t get instant results with just one session … and they call us an intelligent species !?



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So, now that we have some sort of understanding here then is a GUIDE to possible costs, if you want to get an accurate price you will have to get off your arse and come in for a consultation and need to get over any embarrassment you may have with talking about or showing off your body parts, bits and pieces so that we can be precise and clear about your exact needs and therefore the costs involved.


All services are provided by a professional MALE Aesthetician, in a comfortable and private studio where discretion is paramount.  

0413 520 420

The Body Barber Melbourne, Australia



This is a professional body hair management clinic and in no way do I offer, or provide, sexual services.

Site Last Updated: 21/08/2018